New music is like dating: there’s so much potential but usually ends up in disappointment…
The Eargazm realising the need for guidance, provides you with some simple to follow rules that will hopefully get you in the right path! The writer does not assume any responsibility for not getting laid, but hey, look at the bright side of things: you’ll have some cool new music to listen while thinking what went wrong!
First rule of dating comes from London: never keep your “Eyes Shut“; it’s not the bloody “Voice”, you gotta like the “view”, if you know what I mean. Following a rich tradition that wants humble b-sides stealing the bright lights of fame from arrogant a-sides, “Eyes Shut” is the last track on Years and Years new “Real” EP, recently released on Kitsune. Olly’s voice feels smoother than cashmere on your ex’s silky skin (you miss her, uh?), so go iTune it and catch them live March 5 in the uber-cool Oslo, to see for yourself.
Second rule comes from Brooklyn: know her name; I know it sounds easy but trust me after a couple of days swiping on Tinder, things become way more complicated. Last thing you want is call her Jake, the girl her ex left her for… Apparently, “A Girl Named Jake“ is the new single from Skyes, a band that proves that your ex is not that useless as you thought (singer and guitarist used to be a couple, then split up and made Skyes…don’t you just love gossip?). The song structure is as simple as it gets: simple drums, simple synths, simple bassline but is when you put them all together and add the street wisdom that comes through the beautifully sang lyrics of DA that you’ll get the first signs of addiction. Don’t just stand there, stalk them on Facebook!
Third rule comes from California: don’t “Overdose” your date with below the waist hits, clicks but most importantly pics…I know you’d kill for a pic of her surrendering to the Sun half-naked on a Greek beach, but I can reassure you that nude art is not that much appreciated by girls, at least not before she gets to know you better; they will delete you before you can spell d-a-t-e and that’s def not a long word. Maudlin Strangers is the solo project of Jake Hays, a guy that made me realise how useless I am; he is like a human octopus with feelings: he plays every instrument (no, not at the same time, he’s not an actual octopus) on every track plus he sings, and damn he sings good! You want more of him? Here you go!
Fourth rule: enjoy it, it’s supposed to be fun! Go out, eat, drink and dance and I can’t think of any fresher tune to shake your booty than this disco infused joint. Big Boi (1/2 of OutKast; yeah I know you knew that, just checking) has been exhibiting some really bizarre behaviour lately; waking up every single Monday morning for the last five weeks creating tunes groovier than a heart! “Objectum Shalamar” is the sixth instalment in his MashUpMonday project that puts Shalamar‘s “A Night To Remember” in the same blender with his own “Objectum Sexuality” single, featuring Phantogram. I’m sure you want more of that mashup affair; check ’em out here!
Final rule: meet her Mother; this is how she’s gonna end up, you don’t wanna regret this swipe 10 years from now! If, on the other hand, her mother sounds even a tiny bit like “Easy” then go for it blindfolded: it’s dark and creepily sexy with a Chic-infused rhythm guitar that will have you nod your head to everything she says (just don’t fall in love with her mom…not good…ok, just a bit)! Facebook is a great source of information if you wanna find more about them: Mother is a band from Brooklyn. That’s all you get but then again why would you need anything else? Good luck!